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Mentoring Teenage Boys: Phase 1

Four Phases of Mentorship

  1. First Phase: Innocent Phase

  2. Second Phase: Teenage Independence Phase

  3. Third Phase: Young Adult Phase

  4. Fourth Phase: Marriage Phase

First Phase: Innocent Phase

First of all, understand that being born as a male is by God's choice but becoming a real man is a personal choice. God gave man the power of choice to decide his destiny. He endued man with wisdom, knowledge, understanding and everything he needs to make right choices that determine his destiny.

When a boy is young, he is under the care of his parents to nurture him into the second phase of independence. He is a dependent child. He is fully in the hands of his parents, everything that happens to him depends on both parents. If you are an intentional parent, this is your opportunity to make a lasting impact on his heart and memory.

I remember how my sons used to imitate whatever I did at home. One day I was brushing my teeth with my son. He looked at me carefully to see how I moved my tooth brush from one side to another. I saw him doing exactly what I was doing.

When I would spit, he would do the same.

When I would rinse my mouth, he would do the same. Now, think about the bad things we do unconsciously and how much they learn from us. At this phase of life, you mentor your son unconsciously. Those who grow up in the environment full of screaming, violence, abusive, sexually charged environment, tend to adopt the same life style as they grow up.

At this phase, both parents are expected to be active in raising their son. A father's role is very much needed for the boy child to form his identity as a man. He learns so fast through imitation, seeing, doing, testing and involving all other senses. He picks the definition of a man from the male figure around him. This is the determinant phase for this young boy. What rubs on him leaves a big impact on his life as he progresses to another phase of life which is the teen age.

Each parent plays their own role. A father cannot play a mother’s role. He was wired to be a father, no matter how much a mother tries, she cannot replace him. Likewise, a mother cannot play a father’s role. The ingredients of fatherhood and motherhood are different. Both parents need each other to raise a son or daughter. A father’s presence in the life of his son creates a certain stability and identity which a mother cannot provide alone and vice versa. The presence of a mother develops discipline and comfort in the son which the father cannot provide alone without her. God designed it that way. Satan has tried to break the family unit so that a child grows up with a missing link. It may not reflect in his life soon but as he grows up, it will come out clearly either in a form of insecurity, lack of confidence, being fearful, extreme anger, abusive language and many other manifestations in later years.

My wife grew up with some fear in her life which manifested later in her marriage. Her father left her mother when she had just been born. She saw her father for the first time when she was about to get married. In our first years of marriage, she would not sleep while I was out of the house. She kept waking up with a lot of fear. I asked her what she thought when I was way, she said she feared that I would not come back and leave her alone in the house with her children. You know where that fear came from.

If someone is to be helped to overcome their, they must dig dip in the history of their childhood. Many men who were abused while young, testify to how difficult it is to relate with their wives, children and friends.

Jesus Christ, our role model, and the son of God, went through the Innocence Phase. He was totally dependent on his parents from the day he was born up to 12 years of old. Both parents were present in His life to provide all the love, protection, wisdom, foundation which He needed to grow up as a balanced child. We shall look at the second phase and how he grew up in that phase of life. Jesus Christ is our model as men, we shall refer to him as we progress on every stage. Luke 2:51; “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man”. God bless you.

Next week don’t miss our article on the second phase of boy’s mentorship – The “Teenage Independence Phase.” To read more content like this visit:


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